Man’s most difficult struggle is not dealing with a specific sin (like anger or lust or pride), though sin is (a large part of) what makes this struggle so hard.

Each and every godly man has this “struggle” in common. We read in Scripture that men like Abraham, Isaac, Moses, Samuel, Elijah, Elisha, David, Solomon, Ezra, Nehemiah, Job, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Daniel, Jonah, the disciples and apostles of Jesus, as well as Jesus Himself all did this, and most of them did it regularly.

Not only did these more well known Bible characters do it, men of every occupation in all kinds of situation did it. Kings, priests, prophets, farmers, servants all did it. Men did it when they were building or battling, when they were mourning or doing ministry, when they were traveling, when they were tired, when they were tempted, when they were planning, when they needed provision, when they needed protection. Godly men everywhere PRAYED!

There is perhaps no more important, consistent characteristic of a godly man than prayer. Regardless of your vocation, regardless of your culture, regardless of your spiritual giftedness, a man who is godly, a man who lives according to the Bible prays.

And yet prayer is also probably the most difficult struggle a man has. Before I suggest why it is so great a struggle, why am I calling it a “struggle” in the first place?

The biblical reason I say prayer is a struggle is found in Colossians 4:12. Paul wrote to the Colossian church instructing them about the preeminence of Christ so that they would become complete in Christ, spiritually mature, knowing God’s will and walking in a manner of life fully pleasing to God. Near the end of his letter Paul sent greetings from Epaphras–one of Colosse’s own, apparently the one who started the church in Colosse, and the one who came to Paul for help. Paul tells the Colossians that Epaphras was always struggling on your behalf in his prayers. That knocks my socks off almost every time I read it.

The word struggling is a term Paul frequently uses in reference to ministry in the NT; the Greek word ἀγωνίζομαι. It means “to struggle, to fight, to battle” for something. It is to give all you’ve got for a particular purpose. Prayer requires that kind of effort; it is that kind of fight; it is a struggle.

The theological reason I say prayer is a struggle is because everything about us men shouts PRIDE. Prayer and pride do not fit together. Prayer says we’re needy, pride says we aren’t going to ask anybody for anything. Prayer says we’re weak, pride says me and my kid can beat up you and your honor roll kid. Prayer says I can’t figure it out on my own, pride says I don’t need your input. Prayer says God gets the glory, pride says I’d like some of the spotlight for myself. So our own hearts full of man pride make prayer a struggle.

And doesn’t experience itself confirm that prayer is a struggle? We’d rather sleep than pray. We’d rather play than pray. We’d rather work than pray, even when the work is the right thing, since after all, there’s a lot of work to do. I love how Piper puts it,

Both our flesh and our culture scream against spending an hour on our knees beside a desk piled with papers. It is un-American (un-manly) to be so impractical as to devote oneself to prayer and meditation two hours a day. (Brothers, We are not Professionals, p.55)

But though prayer is a difficult struggle, it also carries tremendous significance for us as men. I want to show you from a few passages why I think prayer is an especially manly thing.

Titus 2:6 (connected with 1 Peter 4:7)

When I taught the ladies a the beginning of the Biblical Manhood/Womanhood series I went to Titus 2. There Paul gives instructions through Titus to the various groups in the Cretan churches. To the young women I pointed out their various obligations are all centered around the home.

But the younger men have one obligation in verse 6 and it has no limitations or focus on a place. Instead it aims at a young man’s mind.

Urge younger men to be self-controlled.

Young men are to be self-controlled or “sober-minded.” The idea is to use your head with a focus on restraint, composure, and a good kind of seriousness.

I’ve said before, this is probably the most lacking area in young men today who are instead lighthearted, careless, inattentive, concerned with the trivial, and self-indulgent. Certainly the requirement of self-control has benefits across the whole of a young man’s life, but I wonder if we can make a connection between being self-controlled and praying. Yes we can, from 1 Peter 4:7.

The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers.

Self-control has benefits in all a man’s life, but self-control is especially important when it comes to prayer. Men must be self-controlled so they can pray. Prayer is that important for a man.

1 Peter 3:7

There are at least two more passages that connect godly men to prayer. For example, 1 Peter 3. In chapter three Peter begins with some instructions for married people, for the women and for the men. He devotes the first six verses to the women and just one to the men (perhaps that has something to do with our short attention span), nevertheless his instruction to the men is short and sweet.

husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

This is amazing to me. Peter gives instruction to both the women and the men: women are to be submissive to their own husbands and men are to be thoughtful, appreciative, and considerate to their wives. And notice that both responsibilities have a purpose. Look at verse 1, so that (the unbelieving husbands) may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives. That is powerful submission; God can use a woman’s submission to save her husband. So wouldn’t we expect something similar as a purpose for the man’s right treatment of his wife? Something like, “live with your wives in an understanding way so that she may be won by your considerate conduct”? But instead we see so that your prayers may not be hindered.

A couple things stand out to me about this. First, Peter assumes that the men were already praying. He doesn’t say “so that you can start to pray” but that you can keep praying unhindered. Second, Peter implies that disrupted prayer is a tragedy, similar to the tragedy of an unbelieving life. On the other hand, unhindered prayer is (at least loosely) compared to salvation! Wow! Whether these unhindered prayers are the husbands personal prayers (which I tend to think) or family prayers the husband leads, prayer for men is a consummate work. Don’t let anything hinder your prayers–even the closest earthly relationship you have. That’s how significant prayer is for a man.

1 Timothy 2:8

There is one more passage I want us to see where men and prayer and inextricably linked. In 1 Timothy 2 Paul gave instructions for various groups in the church. After urging that “supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgiving be made for all people” and fleshing that out in verses 1-7, he tells the men and the women what their special duties were in verse 8-15.

For sake of comparison we see that the women are supposed to adorn themselves with certain character traits and good works. This is no throw-away instruction. It gets the core of what is important for a woman. Likewise, at the core of importance for men is the charge to pray.

The men are to pray in every place. I think that is in all the churches all over. They are to pray lifting up holy hands which is a reference not so much to the position or posture or prayer, but to their character. The “hands” was a way to talk about one’s life, the things one touches, so men are to pray with a holy life. And they are to pray without anger or quarreling. The bottom line is, godly men pray.

Why Godly Men Must Pray

So why is it so important for men to pray? Obviously it is important for both men and women to pray. But even though prayer is not exclusively manly, I think it is especially manly. Even though it is such a serious struggle men must pray to be godly men.

Back in the summer I taught a message on Men at Work where I identified three things that distinguish a godly, manly servant. Godly, manly servants Take Initiative, they Take Responsibility, and they Make Sacrifices, I.R.S.

Prayer makes a difference in each one of these responsibilities that we might be godly men. To be a godly man, prayer is necessary to:

1. Take Initiative for the Right Things

Men don’t wait around for someone else to tell them what to do. They don’t need to be told what to do. That’s part of what it means to be a man and not a child. Men don’t need to have their hand held. They do what needs to be done and look for more things to do. They don’t just react, they pro-act. A godly man-servant is aggressive and decisive. They start the ball rolling.

But, how will you know if you are taking initiative in the right direction? That is why prayer is so important. Scripture is littered with examples of men who did not seek direction from God before making decisions. I just read this past week about the apostasy of God’s people in Hosea and one example was their self-initiative.

They made kings, but not through me.
They set up princes, but I knew it not. (8:4)

Just the opposite was true of our ultimate man example, Jesus. Before beginning His public ministry (and also immediately prior to the three temptations of Satan) Jesus fasted and prayed for 40 days (see Matthew 4:1-11, especially verse 2). Just as significant, Luke 6:12-16 reveals that before choosing and calling disciples who would represent Him Jesus spent the whole night in prayer. He did not take initiative without seeking direction from His Father.

2. Take Responsibility in the Right Way

Godly men don’t make excuses. They do not blame other people for their problems or their mistakes. A godly man-servant doesn’t shirk responsibility, he shoulders it. They work hard for the sake of others.

But how will you have the strength to do that? Where will you get the wisdom to do that?

Over and over again in the gospels, before and after ministering to the crowds and healing sickness and preaching His kingdom message and training the 12, Jesus prayed. Even the Son of God depended on the Father as He bore responsibility.

3. Make Sacrifices for the Right Purpose

It is too often that we find men indulging themselves, seeing how much we can get someone to sacrifice for us. Instead our lives are to be spent for the sake of others. Men are called to give up their own lives, to spend themselves for their wives, their children, their disciples, and their friends. Often they must make tough choices, forsaking things that might be otherwise permissible for the sake of someone else.

But how will you make sacrifices that show off God instead of yourself?

The great danger is that we will make the sacrifice and then take the credit. In our pride we will be reluctant to direct the glory to God.

Again Jesus is our perfect example. Before His ultimate sacrifice we find Him praying (Matthew 26:36-46). He knew it was going to be difficult and painful, so that He requested three times that the cup might pass from Him. As He considered His coming death His soul was troubled. John 12:27-28

Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But for this purpose I have come to this hour. Father, glorify Your name.

Jesus’ concern was that His sacrifice be for the Father’s glory, not His own. Of course the Father glorified the Son as the Son glorified the Father. But prayer played a key part in the Son’s purpose.

So the timing of our initiative, the manner of our responsibility, purpose of our sacrifices depend on prayer. Not just what men do is important, but when we do it, how we do it, and why we do it. A man can’t be a godly man without prayer.

Conclusion

You simply cannot be a Christian man if you don’t pray. I’m not talking about prayer being a work that you do that saves you or sanctifies you. I am not talking about something else that you need to do to make God happy with you. I am simply looking at it from the standpoint of standard Christian man practice.

Consider first, Christians are to be like Christ and Christ prayed. You can hardly read in any of the gospels before you find Christ praying. The Son of God, the Second Person of the Trinity, God in human flesh, prayed. He prayed often. He prayed regularly. He prayed when it was inconvenient to pray. And if Christians are actually “little Christs,” if Christians are being “conformed into the image of Christ,” if being “complete in Christ” means being like Him, if He has left us “an example that we should following in His steps,” then Christian men will pray.

Second, Christian men are to obey Christ and Christ taught us to pray. Not only by His example, but by His own direct words. It is not something He expected men to pick up implicitly (though we do that too), it is something He commanded explicitly.

And third, Christian men are to glorify God and prayer shows God’s greatness. Prayer glorifies God in at least two ways, 1) it shows His greatness in that we want to spend time with Him. And 2) it shows His greatness by highlighting His resources and resourcefulness. When we don’t pray it must be because we think we can take care of ourselves. This attitude robs God of glory due only to Him.

We are too comfortable professing faith and asserting our manliness without praying. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Godly, manly men pray like Christ.

Note: All of this message was not recorded.

Perhaps the essential passage on the value of being a servant is Mark 10:42-45 (for the entire pericope, see verses 35-45). In that passage Jesus Himself explains that those who are truly great are servants; those who would be first must be slaves of all, even as the Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.

In God’s economy, there is something noble about being a servant. A servant serves. A servant is a person who works for others; someone who performs duties for another person or organization. They attend to needs of someone else. They make a contribution to someone else’s enterprise. They do their part for the bigger picture. But the bottom line is that a servant is a worker.

Besides the physical effort itself there are some character qualities that are connected with servants. We know that a biblical servant serves with humility (Philippians 2:5-11). They serve not as men-pleasers but in the sight of God (Colossians 3:22-25). They serve heartily (Colossians 3:23). Their service is not for applause but for God’s praise. And they serve as stewards of a gift of God and in His strength (1 Peter 4:11). And they serve so that God gets the glory (1 Peter 4:11).

Those qualities of a servant are applicable no matter who the servant is. But here is my question: what is different about a MAN serving compared to a woman? Though there is obvious overlap in what it means for both men and women to be servants, there should be something distinct about men at work. So what separates a man at work from a woman at work?

It isn’t just an issue of location. It isn’t man-work because it is outside the home and the woman’s work is inside the home. It isn’t necessarily an issue of physical size or strength. It doesn’t make it man-service because you wear a muscle shirt, have body odor and a 5 o’clock shadow while drinking black coffee and eating red meat cooked over flame. It also does not make it “man work” because you can get someone else to do it for you. So again,

What distinguishes a godly and manly servant?

Before we get to the answer, let’s admit our culture and probably most in the evangelical church are confused about this. No doubt part of the problem with figuring out what man-work is comes from the contrasting caricatures of man marketed by the world. As Christian men we are right to be put off by chauvinistic, proud, arrogant, masculinity.

However, our society has not balanced that extreme, but run to the opposite extreme. In order to compensate for chauvinists and forge a softer, gentler male, men have been weakened and women-ized/feminized. So to be a man in today’s world, men have to make a choice between being either a knuckle-dragging gorillas or little school girls.

But I’d like to suggest that our biggest problem is not our widespread misunderstanding of manhood or a misconstrued picture of men. Our biggest hurdle is not abundant examples of over-macho men or under-macho men.

Instead, our biggest problem is that we men are seduced by laziness. We are surrounded by a world that specializes in the various arts of inflaming selfishness and encouraging laziness. We have lost what it means to serve and work. We believe the lie that it is better to have a servant than to be one. We have been seduced by laziness.

Being seduced is the opposite of manliness. John Milton uses a striking phrase in Paradise Lost referring to those men who were seduced by the “daughters of men.” When the angel Michael showed Adam a vision of the future seduction of these men, these descendants of his, Adam attempts to blame the women involved – “Man’s woe holds on the same, from Woman to begin.” The angel replies to the contrary: “From man’s effeminate slackness it begins.”

When men allow women to seduce them, they have abandoned what it means to be the man: to lead. In fact, our word seduction comes from the Latin word duco, which means “I lead.” This original meaning carries over in our use of the word seduction. When a man is seduced he is being led, and when a woman seduces she is leading. So when a man is seduced he is relinquishing and abdicating his assigned role.

And likewise, many men like to flatter themselves that they are really men based on how lazy they can be. They celebrate in afternoons of being led by football on television. In reality, it is effeminate slackness. At the heart of genuine masculinity is an acknowledgment of responsibility and taking of initiative; by creation man is intended by God to be a head, a head willing to sacrifice himself. But men have been seduced to sell their manliness for the television remote (or whatever other thing keeps them from work).

A man who is seduced is the antithesis of a man pursuing his God-given masculine calling. Instead of learning the meaning of headship under God, he descends to the level of a dumb animal. Our Lazy Boys seduce us to nap when we should be working. Our favorite football team seduces us into isolation. Our father’s bad example seduces us to excuse our poor communication. The internet seduces our time.

Our laziness and lack of service is not morally neutral. It is a spiritual fight with personal, corporate, and eternal consequences.

So what does it mean to be a godly and manly servant? In fact, when was the last time you used the word manly? Is that even something that is important anymore? It should be. And there are some biblical distinctions of manly service.

Here are three nails that hold together the picture of godly and manly service: I.R.S. – Initiative, Responsibility, and Sacrifice.

Godly Man-Servants:

1. Take Initiative

God has made women to be responders; they follow. But men are to lead.

They don’t wait around for someone else to tell them what to do. When was the last time you strategized to improve something before someone complained about it? A godly man at work has the ability to assess and pioneer solutions.

Men don’t need to be told what to do. That’s part of what it means to be a man and not a child. Men don’t need to have their hand held. They do what needs to be done and look for more things to do.

They don’t just react, they pro-act (they are proactive).

Men too often neglect their responsibilities until there is a problem. We do more preventative work on our cars–changing the oil every 3000 miles–than we do with our kids. We have a better strategy to keep our lawns green than we do to keep our wives growing.

A godly man-servant is aggressive and decisive. They start the ball rolling. Set some goals for your spiritual growth. Set some goals for the spiritual growth of your family. Set some goals for your work product. Set some goals for your small group or your fellowship class. Be hungry for something of real value.

How long would a shepherd have a flock if all he did was react? Even more than that, what great things have been done in the name of reaction?

Jesus is the ultimate example of this. One of my favorite verses in any modern worship song is:

You did not wait for me, to draw near to You
but You clothed Yourself in frail humanity.
You did not wait for me, to cry out to You,
but You let me hear Your voice calling me.
And I’m forever grateful, to You.
And I’m forever grateful, for the cross.
I’m forever grateful, to You,
that You came to seek and save the lost.

If Christ did not take the initiative, we are still left in our sins.

Romans 5:8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

And if Jesus had not taken the initiative with Peter, James, John and the rest of the disciples, they would have kept on fishing and we wouldn’t be here.

A godly man-servant isn’t lazy, he leads. He takes the initiative.

2. Take Responsibility

God has given various responsibilities to women, but God has given the greatest responsibility to men. Men are the head. (1 Corinthians 11:3, 8, 9) That means, for example, it is the head’s problem not only when there is a pain in the head but also when their is pain in the knee.

Godly men don’t make excuses. Real men do not give excuses. They do not blame other people for their problems or their mistakes.

This is perhaps our greatest area of weakness. We love to take the glory for things going right, but we are excellent at making excuses for when things go wrong. We, as men, have a long history of excuse makers as our examples! It goes all the way back to our first father – Adam. You undoubtedly remember the story of Man’s Fall in Genesis 3. Let’s read the story to see where we get this excuse making from.

Genesis 3:1-19. There are so many problems here. God had charged ADAM with not eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (2:15-17). Then God made Adam a helper – Eve. We can assume then, that it was Adam’s responsibility to instruct his wife and guide her to fulfill the responsibility that God had given to him not to eat from the tree. But somewhere there was a mix up. There was a failure to communicate because as soon as we get into chapter three we see the serpent tempting Eve. Eve falls for the temptation and she eats fruit from the tree and then Eve gets all the blame…

WRONG! Adam is held responsible, and God holds men responsible! Men are held accountable to lead and to guide and to…be men! The feminine thing to do is follow. The manly thing to do is lead. It would have been the manly thing for Adam to say “No.” It would have been the masculine thing to do so say, “I must obey God first.” But Adam followed Eve.

Really, that is not the worst of it. Not only did Adam make an excuse and say that Eve made him do it, he actually blames God. “The woman You gave me” (v.12) That is bold, but that is not noble. That is fearless, but not God-fearing.

He blamed God for his sin. He made excuses for his choice. We can’t let this happen. We can’t be a church of guys who let other people take the blame for our failures. We dare not sit back and cop-out, cover up, defend or disguise our weakness, we can’t shift the blame if we want to be men who glorify God.

I just want you to think about something for a moment. What if Jesus had said, “It’s not my fault that these guys sinned. There is no way I’m going to do something to help them. I didn’t do anything wrong.” But “He who knew no sin” became “sin on our behalf, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him” (2 Corinthians 5:21). That is an example of taking responsibility.

Not only do we need to stop making excuses for things that actually are our fault, we need to serve and sacrifice and love and cover for other’s failures–if we want to be like Jesus.

So as we look at these characteristics of Biblical Masculinity, don’t make excuses for where you are failing. Don’t look for ways to explain why you can or can’t do this or that. I admonish you men and young men here tonight to rise up, follow the example of our Lord, and be responsibility takers for the glory of God.

My dad shared this poem with me when I was a kid. I’ve never forgotten it. By Pat Williams, former NBA General Manager

Winners vs. Losers

When a winner makes a mistake, he says, “I was wrong;”
When a loser makes a mistake, he says, “It wasn’t my fault.”
A winner works harder than a loser and has more time;
A loser is always “too busy” to do what is necessary.
A winner goes through a problem;
A loser goes around it, and never gets past it.
A winner makes commitments;
A loser makes promises.
A winner says, “I’m good, but not as good as I ought to be;”
A loser says, “I’m not as bad as a lot of other people.”
A winner listens;
A loser just waits until it is his turn to talk.
A winner respects those who are superior to him
     and tries to learn something from them;
A loser resents those who are superior to him
     and tries to find chinks in their armor.
A winner feels responsible for more than his job;
A loser says, “I only work here.”

A godly man-servant doesn’t shirk responsibility, he shoulders it.

3. Make Sacrifices

This is not to say that women don’t sacrifice, but men are called to a particular kind of sacrifice in their service.

It is too often that we find men indulging themselves, seeing how much we can get someone to sacrifice for us. Instead our lives are to be spent for the sake of others.

This is precisely what we see in Mark 10 as Jesus describes the kinds of servants that follow Him.

We see this especially for husbands in Ephesians 5:25-33.

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

Just like athletes exercise self-control in all things (1 Corinthians 9:24-27), so men must make sacrifices in order to serve.

Of course, this is typically not-convenient. But a godly man-servant is not self-centered, he is self-sacrificing.

Isn’t it interesting that the world portrays men just the opposite of these three distinctives? Men are not seen as initiators, but as lazy, undisciplined, reactors. Men are not viewed as responsible, but as taking every measure possible to get out of responsibility and justify their shortcomings. And men are not seen as those who sacrifice, but as those who scheme how to indulge themselves even more.

But when our lives are lives of service, taking initiative, taking responsibility, and making sacrifices, we provide a stability and security to our families and to our ministries. Men are to be dependable, not masters of the unaccomplished plan and unorganized activity.

CONCLUSION

We’re prone not to take laziness very seriously. We take being drunk seriously–being a slave to self through the pleasures of alcohol. That’s a major taboo, a “biggie” sin. Then we talk about gluttony–being a slave to self through the pleasures of food. That’s bad, but more acceptable. Then, maybe we talk about laziness–being a slave to self through the pleasures of inactivity/sleep.

What can you take away from this message?

1. Learn the Gospel.

This is only possible because of the gospel. The gospel changes us internally and provides an external example. Remember and rehearse the gospel over and over.

From Philippians 2 to Mark 10:35-45.

Until the gospel kills our pride we won’t serve.

The gospel rescues us from the bondage of serving ourselves. It frees us to serve others. It breaks the power of laziness internally and motivates us by example externally.

2. Get to Work.

Doesn’t matter where you are: home, work, church. And it is all three, not one, not two. The mess we’ve made in modern life doesn’t change that God has given us responsibilities to provide for our family outside the home, to shepherd our family at home, and to lead our family in worship at church. We need men at work.

And don’t let me give the impression that work is easy. There is a reason they call it work and not recess or vacation. You are going to be tired.

Theodore Roosevelt said,

There has never yet been a man who led a life of ease, whose name is worth remembering.

And this isn’t really about work, this is about worship. When we serve like men we honor our heavenly Father. We need to serve for the sake of our families, for the sake of our churches, and for the sake of our own joy.

To be men at work we’ve got to lead, shoulder responsibility, make sacrifices. Let there be no effeminate slackness among the men of God. To be great is to be a servant. To be a godly servant is to be a man. To be a godly man is to be like Christ.

Fight. Work. Serve. Love. Pray like men!