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Worship Like Women

Sean Higgins
Titus 2:4-5
2007.10.03
one28 Wednesday worship

Men and women are different. What an obvious statement, right? Yet I wonder if there is anything so obvious that is so questioned in our culture. We have women’s rights and women’s liberation and Title IX and the Lifetime channel devoted in the fight against chauvinistic men (which for some, being a chauvinist and being a man are redundant). Women today want equality in everything, which really means a reversal of the historic and biblical roles.

But literally from the beginning of the Bible, God reveals that men are women are different and He assigns them different roles. Though there are numerous similarities, there are also distinctive temptations and unique tasks. One of the reasons for our decision to split guys and girls on Wednesdays this year is based on this fact. There are biblically defined and distinguished responsibilities for young men and for young women as we seek to present everyone complete in Christ.

The general principle based on Titus 2 is that the older men teach the younger men and the older women teach the younger women. That is another purpose behind our split for teaching on Wednesdays. These corporate Wednesays will expose you to many of our staff women, all of whom have different personalities, different spiritual giftedness, different passions, and who are in different life stages. This will be a great opportunity for you younger women to learn from the older women how to become a godly woman.

So what am I doing here tonight? Regardless of what some of my guy friends will tell you, or the fact that I wear pink shirts sometimes, I am not an older woman. But I am your shepherd. And Titus was given responsibility to oversee the whole process of men teaching men and women teaching women so that each person’s behavior would accord with sound doctrine (2:1). Therefore it is my special privilege and responsibility, as your shepherd, to talk to you about becoming a godly young woman.

Another practical benefit of beginning with me is that compared to me, each staff lady to follow will seem like whiskers on kittens and warm woolen mittens. I’m here to make it easier to listen to them.

But it is our goal to help each one of you become a more Christlike lady. In order to see that happen, we have a responsibility to train young women (Titus 2:4). The word (σωφρονίζωσιν) means to bring someone to their senses, to instruct them in prudence and behavior that is becoming, conduct that shows good judgment. This is the only place in the NT where the word is used (though the noun form is used in 1 Timothy 1:7). There is training to be done, and the unit objectives are plain.

7 Attributes of Godly Young Women

In Titus 2:4-5 Paul lists six adjectives and one participle that describe the qualities of godly young women. Some of these attributes apply only to young married women, probably all those under the age of 60. But even if you aren’t married, there are principles from the entire list that apply even if the particulars don’t fit yet.

1. Husband Lovers

The first and primary characteristic for young women is that they love their husbands. Though the ESV makes it sound like a verb, it is one word in Greek, the adjective φιλάνδρους. The word is used only here in all the NT, and describes one with affection for their husband; a lover of one’s husband. Note that this affection is proper for a wife with no mention of whether her husband is worthy of that love or lovable. There are no conditions and no exceptions.

It is also significant that this adjective comes before the verb (to be) whereas each of the remaining attributes come after the verb. A wooden reading would be, “in order that they might train the younger women husband-lovers to be, children-lovers, self-controlled, etc.” The woman’s affection for her husband is the linchpin of her responsibilities. Her attitude toward her husband will impact the rest of the list. If she doesn’t love him, she should build and nurture that love.

2. Children Lovers

The second characteristic for young women is that they (love their) children. The ESV adds it together with loving their husbands in order to make the English more smooth, but again it is one word in Greek, the adjective φιλοτέκνους. It also is used only here in the NT, and describes affection for one’s children, a lover of one’s offspring.

And like love for one’s husband, love for one’s children is not something based on worth or lovability or even neediness of the child.

3. Self-Controlled

Young women also need training in being self-controlled. The word (σώφρονας) means to be in control of oneself, with the idea of being prudent, thoughtful, avoiding extremes and carefully considering one’s behavior in order to act responsibly. The self-controlled person is interested in the what, when, and how of doing things. They are “sensible” (NASB).

This adjective is only used four times in the NT, here in verse 5 for young women, in verse 2 for older men, and twice in the qualifications for elders (1 Timothy 3:2 and Titus 1:8). Though we rightly associate this kind of good judgment with getting older, it is to be cultivated when you’re young.

4. Pure

The fourth adjective for young women is that they are to be pure. The word (ἁγνὰς) has the idea of innocence, holiness, something without moral defect or blemish. Certainly this is associated with modesty, but also with your choice of influences, your pattern of speech, and your thought life.

This is a powerful quality. (See 1 Peter 3:2 where unbelieving husbands can be won–to Christ–without a word from their wives by observing their wives respectful and “pure” conduct). This isn’t off-white, it is obvious (snow) white.

5. Home Makers

The ESV translates this working at home, but again it is one word used only here in the NT, the adjective οἰκουργοὺς. It means to be devoted to household duties, to be “busy at home” (NIV), with the emphasis that they’re so devoted and busy that they are “good managers of the household” (NRSV). They are to keep the house, to manage the house. The home is their domain.

6. Kind

The sixth attribute is a common description in the NT, kind or “good” (ἀγαθάς). It has the idea of meeting a high standard of worth, and used as a description for social interaction carries the idea of kindness, of being friendly and generous and considerate. Just as all believers are to “be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ has also forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:23), godly young women are to be known by their kindness. They are the opposite of “mean girls.”

7. Husband Submitters

The final description for young women is that they are to be submissive to their own husbands. The NASB translates it “being subject” and the NKVJ “obedient.” It means to submit; to follow someone else’s will.

It is a common word in the NT, for that matter even in Titus. Slaves are to submit to their masters (2:9) and each one of us is to submit to rulers and authorities (3:1). But the idea of submission occurs almost every time responsibilities are divvied up between husbands and wives. Women are to submit to their husbands in 1 Corinthians 14:34; Ephesians 5:24; Colossians 3:18, and 1 Peter 3:1, 5. Submission is a wife’s special role.

4 Accents for Godly Young Women

As I look at that list of attributes at least four things stand out to me.

1. Her Character

Three of the attributes apply anywhere: being self-controlled, pure, and kind. These are qualities of distinctive character. A godly young woman is known by her character.

2. Her Focus

Where is a young woman’s focus to be based on Titus 2:4-5? The home. At least four of the seven attributes relate directly and immediately to the home and family: husband lovers, children lovers, working at home, and husband submitters. Marriage and family are God-ordained institutions. They are not only the foundation of our society they are biblical fundamentals. A godly young woman is known by her focus.

3. Her Attitude

While each adjective is important, the final participle is especially action and attitude oriented. The present participle submitting (ὑποτασσομένας) emphasizes an ongoing submission; a ready willingness to follow her authority. A godly young woman is known by her attitude.

4. Her Worship

I stopped short so far from the last phrase in verse 5 that reveals significant consequences when young women fail to pursue the proper character, focus, and attitude. Titus was to see that the older women train the younger women in these seven areas so that the word of God may not be reviled. The NASB says so that the word of God may not be “dishonored,” the NIV so that that no one will “malign” the word of God, the NRSV so that the Word of God may not be “discredited,” and the NKJV that the word of God may not be “blasphemed.”

The key word is reviled (βλασφημῆται). It means to disrespect instead of honor, demean instead of dignify, denigrate instead of extol, defame instead of praise. We might call it badmouthing. And this final phrase in verse 5 flies over all seven of the preceding attributes.

It is interesting that Paul uses a similar phrase in 1 Timothy 5:11-15 (especially v.14) in describing the potential for young women to “give the adversary no occasion for slander,” that is, slander of God. A young woman’s conduct has serious consequences.

This is why the title for my message tonight is “Worship Like Women.” Certainly the opposite of reviling or blasphemy is honor and worship. There is a way for you to live, not on Sunday morning when the church body is gathered, but the rest of the week when you’re at home that either makes God and His word look good or smears Him and dishonors Him.

Of course, these things might not be natural, that’s why the older women are to train the younger. You’ve got older women right here to watch, to listen to, and to get help from. But these attributes and accents are the things that are in line up with sound doctrine.

2 Questions from Godly Young Women

I have been in youth ministry long enough to know that not everybody is happy right now. But I totally think it is possible that some of you have questions with good attitudes. Questions like,

1. I don’t have a husband or children. What should I do?

The answer is not to go out tomorrow, find a husband as fast as you can and start having kids. God will arrange those things in His time.

But there is still a lot you can practice now. Work on your character: being self-controlled, pure, and kind. Work on your focus: help at home, work at home. And work on your attitude: how you submit to your dad (as well as other authorities God has place in your life) will likely be how you submit to your husband. You cannot be too practiced at these things. And I’ll tell you what, even though you don’t have a husband right now, these are the kinds of things godly young men are going to be looking for.

2. I want to go to college and have a career. Is that wrong?

I received this email from a junior high girl a few years ago. She wrote,

Are you saying then, that women should focus more on preparing to be a wife and not going to college? Should women go to college and spend all that money? If no, then what if they don’t get married and therefore don’t have the options of getting a job because they never got a college degree? Is it wrong for both a husband and wife to work? should a woman have the option of “being something” or should they be content to be a support to their husband and his job while she stays at home and takes care of the house and meals, etc…? If God has placed a woman in the role of staying at home, well then, who’s to argue. But it almost sounds unfair that a man would have a chance to do his dream job while the wife must be active at home. Why has God done that?

Not many things get me in more trouble than this. Once the question has been asked, somebody is going to be mad. The key is that I don’t make God mad. So here are a few hooks to hang your thoughts on.

Remember the formula: Time + attention = emotion. That is true in every sphere of life. If you give your life to pursuing a career, you will not flip a switch to give all yourself to pursuing your family. That doesn’t mean girls shouldn’t go to college or get jobs outside the home, but it does mean they must be very careful with their hearts and should seek to cultivate the character, focus, and attitude that Titus commends.

Is it possible that we’ve been sold a lie that being a worker at home not a dream job? The world has its perspective, but ours should be in line with God’s Word. And who says men can do “whatever” they want? I don’t know a lot of men who have their “dream job.” Just because you step out the door in the morning to go to work doesn’t mean it’s a party.

With so many choices and options, work to apply biblical principles and priorities, and listen carefully to counsel from your parents and pastors.

5 Concerns about Our Young Women

I promise you two things, for however harsh this sounds, 1) the guys have their own issues that need to be addressed, and 2) I am telling you this out of love for you and for the Word of God.

I’ve got to be honest, I do not see across the board:

1. home and family focus
2. self-control
3. purity
4. kindness
5. submission

Instead, I see young ladies who are:

1. selfish, expecting others to do things for you
2. silly, as frivolous and trivial and lacking common sense
3. soiled, dirty from things of the world, in your talk and your dress
4. slanderous, as mean and unkind and unfriendly as you can be
5. subversive, undermining authority

That is unacceptable if you want to be a godly young woman. It does not meet the standard of sound doctrine. It blasphemes the Word of God.

Conclusion

What you pursue and how you pursue it either praises God or reviles Him. Make sure that you worship like a woman, with the character, focus, and attitude that God requires.